Dogged Pursuit

I do my very best to live life in the pursuit of happiness (but really, jappiness), but sometimes I find myself irritated by minutia and the challenges of synchronicity with other people. I recently read somewhere (my feeble mind cannot recall) that millenials like myself are often troubled by challenges and obstacles, often mere incidental and unplanned occurrences, that they deem unjust (i.e., unplanned) and they somehow feel "wronged by destiny." Wow. Did someone invade my brain and extract that prose? I've suffered from an exaggerated sense of justice since I was a wee thing, and it's only blossomed into perennial annoyance with the way things just ARE. Naturally, this conflict has only nourished anxiety and just when I think I'm at my wits' end with hassle, I am zapped into a more grounded framework by a person, observation, or experience. Working in the pediatric intensive care unit is quite useful handy in providing a daily dose of perspective, and I usually arrive home grateful and less perturbed. Then Madeleine looks at me and bats her eyes as if to say "I told you so, you fool. I soak up every minute of this cherished life like your paper towels soak up my pee in the dining room - may you find the same contentment with the present moment!" For a 15 pound dog, she is uncannily profound.

Mom, you worry too much. Why can't you just take life as it comes?

   I have the day off tomorrow, as I am working this Saturday (boo) and following my sadistic laser hair removal appointment, will be making the pilgrimage to the promised land of Homegoods in search of a sitting chair (as opposed to a non-sitting chair?) for my new room in my new apartment. I hope to G-d one day that future civilizations will discover 600 dollar sitting chairs in an archaeological dig and deduce the reason for their expense, because in my mind a chair should cost no more than however much the person in it weighs. I somehow always exit Homegoods with nothing close to my original intention, for example, I will enter making a beeline for the throw pillows, and exit with tupperware and a waste receptacle. Homegoods is the wily temptress of impetuous shoppers and I a humble victim to impulse buys like a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel reusable water bottle. Alas, let this serve as my written testament that I am ONLY to purchase a chair and perhaps some curtains, and may I be smut by the credit card gods above (i.e., my dad) if I emerge with a life-sized wooden giraffe.

If this cup wrong, I don't want to be right.

Happily Ever After,

Mon and Mads

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

 Risen up from the ashes like the noble phoenix (yes, just like Fawkes, lookin' at you, devoted HP fans), I am humbly returning to the blogosphere with no great reason for absence, other than there have been so many damn Real Housewives and Shahs of Sunset episodes to catch up on (can I get an 'Amen'?) Madeleine and I have been squatting at the home of AT and IK, gracious hostesses of Axis, while we wait for our new lease to begin later this month just around the riverbend at another Brickell pad with a sweet as pie new roomie, LM. Word on da street is that a pug named Fudge resides on the same floor of our new apartment, and I'm already having ethereal visions of the cavalier and the pug under the chuppah exchanging vows of everlasting devotion and long walks on Brickell Avenue together.

 After a rather tumultuous month, team Mon and Mads would like to present you with our new and improved selves. Mads received a rather cute puppy cut, so she is sleek like seal, and I accidentally lost 6% of my body weight after a particularly virulent stomach flu, so we are both livin' lean. I became an apprentice of the curling wand + heat-resistant Michael Jackson glove, thanks to my diligent teacher, MS, and may have even become a bit overzealous, as last night, upon seeing my hair, AT's perfect eyebrows shot up as she suggested that I was approaching Texas status, so it may be time to dial back. In other news, the administration gods at my workplace decided this little 25 year-old flea is fit for looking after pediatric transplant patients, so I got a snazzy new job description and much more facetime with nuggets who just got new livers and kidneys. Bribing them to eat with jewelry has become my motus operandi, and I'm not sorry. I've hired an extremely celebrated interior decorator, WPK, who is taking time out of her life as an MBA, French poet, Peace Corps activitist, and fashion model, among other job titles, to help make my new room my sanctuary and to discourage me from buying 18,000 dollar mirror panels. I will attempt to make the neutral furniture palettes a "Madeleine's dirty paw-free zone" but I daresay that would be a silly proclamation, as she somehow finds a way to leave a trail of dirt/eye boogers on most surfaces. I was featured as a guest blogger on Elizabeth Fulton's adorable blog, Gumption, (http://ellieannfulton.blogspot.com/2014/01/5-easy-tips-for-eating-healthier-now.html) as I spewed nutrition advice to her South African readership. Sorry I said "spew", but given the events of my illness this weekend, it only seems appropriate. I'd say life is pretty swell, except that platform sneakers are still en vogue.

  In honor of the gastroentertitis that nearly cost me a 20,000 dollar trip to the ER, I would like to provide you with a nice little cheat sheet entitled "What to Eat at 3:30 AM when you wake up with a stomach virus and are praying for death's sweet release":

1. Hydrate. Water is fine, but I know it can make you even more nauseous, so diluted Gatorade to half strength, Pedialyte, or Coconut water are excellent. You'll need to drink until your pee is clear, and then some. Sips > chugging.

2. When you can finally bring yourself to eat, you'll be on a low-residue diet, which means nothing gets to hang out and party in your intestines. You can have small amounts at a time of:

applesauce, bananas, white bread (toast), white crackers, white matzoh, white bagels, chicken noodle soup, white pasta, white potatoes (no butter), white rice, grilled chicken (not cooked in butter), strained/cooked fruits without seeds or skins.

3. Avoid (trust me):

 Caffeine, alcohol, artificial sweeteners, butter, dairy, chocolate, anything fatty, fried, greasy, fibrous (beans, roughage, raw fruits and vegetables), nuts, seeds, popcorn.

4. As you begin to feel better, you can begin adding things like creamy peanut butter, grilled fish, steamed vegetables (not broccoli, brussel sprouts, beans, or cauliflower) and take it from there. Best of luck.

My nurses this past weekend, guest appearance by Vienna, queen sausage of Pinecrest

Happily Ever After,

Mon and Mads