Bone Appetit

   Madeleine has begun to sing for her supper accompanying my new roommate, LM, to her dog-friendly workplace. Several coworkers reportedly were very concerned as they thought Madeleine was gravely ill owing to her marathon snoozing. When she's not performing her duties as an administrative assistant at one of Miami's elitest advertising firms, she has been fraternizing with our neighbor's pug, Fudge (mentioned in a previous post), whose tepid snorts are often mistaken for growls by Mads, who then shies away into the corner. I have faith in the romance as it continues to blossom. It has also been discovered that Fudge's parents are French, which means I am hopelessly in love with them and may or may not have drooled a little when we first met. They haven't invited me over for crepes or long weekends at their chateau in France yet, but I'm sure that will come any day now.

She works hard for the money, so hard for it, honey!

  When I'm not at the hospital bribing small children to eat with jewelry and promises of hugs (being a germaphobe, I don't distribute these freely), I've been fending off many assumptions from clients, friends, and the general public that dietitians are nutritionally pious and pure. Sure. In the way that strippers are pious and pure. Let's nip this myth in the kale bud right now: (most) DIETITIANS LOVE TO EAT. Why else would we have dedicated 2-3 years to a grueling Master's program and be forced to wear hairnets (YES, HAIRNETS I SAY) during our foodservice internship rotations and calculate the number of calories in 800 servings of beans? Right. We are dedicated to noms. Among all the fine ladies (and occasional man) with whom I went to grad school and with whom I work now and all the dietitians I've ever met, I've only met two who were creepily militant about their eating (like, one had Excel sheets with her carbohydrate intakes) and both were competitive athletes, who we know, are strange birds because they like exercising a bit too much. When us dietitians go out to eat, nothing is safe, and nothing is sacred. Leave no carb behind.
   At our daily watering hole (which for me is my Diet Coke hole, as the nutrition team gets unlimited free soda, glory glory glory), the hospital dietitians convene for lunch daily and "how to eat" routinely comes up. Aside from my friend SM who is a pro-vegan loon who takes 70 dollar vitamins that require 4 capsules/day (and by 'loon' I mean 'dedicated practitioner' :) ), the rest of us face planted into ropa vieja + platanos maduros + Cuban rice at one dietitian's 27th birthday party this past month. In fact, the joy of food has become such a theme when I'm with my fellow nutritionista ladies that I've even coined a hashtag for these happy occasions: #dietitianswhodine.
  The following are the ways that I maintain a healthy weight and nutrition status, despite eating dessert EVERY DAY and going HAM (literally) when I'm out to eat.
   1. I never skip breakfast. Anyone who knows me knows that if I'm not fed within an hour of waking up, hanger (hunger + anger) ensures, and it's not pretty.
   2. Pillz. There's lots of scientific debate about vitamins extending mortality blah blah blah. I'm hedging my bets and paying what, a couple hundred bucks a year(?) to take a multivitamin every day. I also swear by my trusty anti-inflammatory fish oils (talk to me about specific kinds - def not all created equal, something is just so FISHY about some…lolz) and turmeric/ginger, as well as a daily probiotic for gut and systemic immunity (again, I'd love to talk your ear off about my preferred brands. Nothing gets me riled up like a good probiotic monologue. )
  3. Veggie Tales. My roommate is continually shocked and likely horrified at the amount of produce I go through in a week. Our refrigerator looks positively agricultural. I'm not religious, but fruitiness is next to godliness in my book. I've never missed a day where I don't eat *at least* two fruits, and three servings of vegetables. I swear by the phytochemical, antioxidant, and lots of other undiscovered little nutrients that all work synergistically in a harmonious melody that is a fruit/vegetable. They're nature's little anti-cancer treats and I truly think they keep me keen/green/lean.
  4. Yogurt/Nuts. Not a day of my life goes by where I don't eat some form of yogurt and nuts, often together. Again, poor roomie has to cope with hippopotamus portions of yogurt, and the unfortunate white yogurt residue fingerprints on the fridge door handle,  and various refrigerated nut butters in our kitchen [and white wine, but that's another story], but there ain't nothin like yogurt with all of its fermented probiotic goodness, calcium, Vitamin D, and protein as well as the zillions of nut varieties showering me with anti-inflammatory unsaturated fat goodness, as well as protein, fiber, trace elements, and B vitamins. Also, nuts keep for a while, so you won't find a single one of my purses without little nut debris crumbs all over the bottom.
  5. Oats, oats, baby - Pretty much my go-to breakfast err'day. I don't get bored with it because I spice it up with all kinds of fruits, spices, nuts, and even found this rad carrot cake oatmeal recipe that I made on Sunday night and packed every day for the rest of the week. Served with some organic low fat milk and a fruit, it's pretty perfect, and that soluble fiber does wonder for my sad little intestines and its beta-glucans be binding up all my cholesterol - loves it. http://ohsheglows.com/2014/03/19/heavenly-carrot-cake-baked-oatmeal/

If I can do it, you can, too. Props to SM for providing me with a delectable Aroma Espresso Bar Soy Chai Tea Latte which completed this perfect desk breakfast. Yep, we lost some good raisin soldiers to the floor that morning.

  6. Eating all the time - I'm the girl eating tangerines with no shame during a movie. And then magically a little box of nuts emerges from my purse. And then a string cheese. My purse is the goddamn Mary Poppins purse of snacks. I rarely go more than 3 hours without a nosh, and this prevents me from inhaling my next meals like a pig in a slop bucket. SM and I fight for real estate in our minuscule office fridge with our daily meals/snacks. You would think we were going on a 2 week safari with the amount of food we bring every day. But it's all preeeetty good for you, and pretty delicious. Funny story: I mistook SM's orange for mine last Friday and accidentally abducted it since I had a similar one, that I forgot I had already eaten that morning. I felt like I picked up the wrong kid from daycare. I hope she forgives me.
  7. Smart Indulgence - "Would anyone like to see a dessert menu?" (Chorus of "Oh no, I'm so full" ,"I couldn't possibly" ). These are WIMP LOSER responses. (Cue me shooting my hand up in the air) YES, PLEASE!! Dessert is my raison d'être, friends. I'm a sweet gal to the core, and I never deny an opportunity for dessert. Caveat: I will savor every bite and by that token, never really feel the need to finish. Same motto for any kind of succulent dish - truffle mac and cheese, french onion soup, AT's cornflake kugel, etc. If your three meals/snacks a day would make Joy Bauer swoon with admiration, I have no problem with you allowing yourself a beautiful non-dietitian approved occurrence. You know that happens when you deprive yourself? Guilt. Anxiety. Sadness. Shame. And then…overeating. Ain't nobody got time for that.

A little healthy indulgence at Makoto - Bal Harbour. Mango sorbet in a cast iron skillet atop warm mango pecan cinnamon crisp with house-made marshmallows and assorted berries, garnished with mint. Brutally attacked by me, MS, and SS. #fruit


Happily Ever After,

 Mon and Mads