Blenheim and Brunette Beauties

    Birds of a feather tend to flock together, and some alumni of UF's finest Jewish sorority gathered at the JW Marriott this weekend to celebrate the Bachelorette SB. All brunette and most with post-graduate degrees, this gaggle of Jewesses strutted down Brickell Avenue, armed with Ray-Bans during the day and Minkoffs at night. Personally, I find Bachelorette parties to be the epitome of cheesiness and will probably celebrate mine at the dog park, but it's nice to let loose for a couple of nights and allow the estrogen of seven women to engulf me and convince myself that I am a degenerate urchin whose nightly facial beauty regime requires only three steps.
  The member of the coven with the most solid head on her shoulders is the pint-sized SJ. SJ is an impressive little bug. For the first year I knew her when she was a sophomore and I was a freshman, I was downright petrified of her. She exuded dominance, ferocity, and a faint whiff of Viktor and Rolf perfume/vodka. As a member of Generation Y, my parents told me I was "special, that I should "follow my dreams" and "pursue what interests you" (see: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-unhappy_b_3930620.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false) and thus allowed me to major in Linguistics, which SJ had also done since she dreamt of becoming an Audiologist. So we shared many classes with whom I am convinced are the most bizarre human beings to exist - Linguistics majors. We bonded rather quickly over being petite brunettes who prized intelligence, wit, ambition, and Jimmy Choo equally, along with an affinity for analyzing peoples' speech. SJ ended up pursuing an accelerated Audiology degree at Northwestern and operates in a private practice in South Florida. She possesses a keen talent for judging character, behaving calmly under pressure, professionally in clinical practice, frugally during Bloomingdales and Saks sales, and wildly during nights out. Her only flaws are her propensity for waking up at ungodly early hours and  her dislike of animals, which I glean the hugest sadistic pleasure irony out of, since her parents own a 120 pound Rhodesian Ridgeback which routinely pins her to the couch and coats her in glimmering drool. SJ is one of a kind, and my soul sista. We shared a bed this weekend in a 5 star hotel, and will hopefully share many more happy moments (like the exquisite triumph of finding Chanel pumps for over 70% off) in life.
     Madeleine has been leaving the coy damsel act to the debutantes and has been engaging in some hardcore genital sniffing with a portly tricolor Cavalier named Harry who resides in the building next door, recently transplanted from Chicago. The Auslander women "sure do"love their Midwestern men. My handsome Hoosier returned from a weekend in Montreal with one of his college besties. He arrived home last night and presented me with a Lindt milk chocolate bar gratuitously provided to him on the flight (Air Canada > American Airlines) and made me the happiest dietitian in all the land.

Happily Ever After,

Mon and Mads